I have heard for years that regular meditation would benefit me in a number of ways. I have bought day calendars with quotations and Zen koans, signed up for subscriptions to Headspace that I under-utilized, and been trapped by an idea of what Meditation should look like. I thought meditating meant being on a zafu in lotus position with palms together over the heart, when it can be so many other things. As in other areas of my life, what I needed was to expand my definition beyond a perfect ideal.
What is meditation? a partial list
- walking and connecting with the feeling of your heel striking the ground
- intentional breathing while focusing on how it feels in your body
- Tai Chi, yoga, Qi Gong
- praying, repeating a phrase or mantra, freewriting in a journal
In recent months, I have also been tuning into how performing massage is a meditation for me. Like the activities in the list, it involves consciously returning my focus to something specific (movement, breathing, how my body feels, how my work is affecting the body I am working on) as I let errant thoughts float by or categorize them. The goal is not to empty my mind, but to acknowledge what comes up and gently return my attention to my focus, all the while accepting that my mind will wander, and its wanderings are neutral.
One challenge with ADHD is directing my focus to something that doesn’t feel as exciting, urgent, or interesting as what I’d rather focus on. (You know, like any of us needs to do to be good at our jobs, or housework, or other necessities of life.) I’ve been working on reframing this ability as a muscle that gets stronger when it is regularly trained. My brain may have me at a disadvantage here, but that does not mean I can’t build up the mental muscle with practice.
In my practice, I am defining meditation as any activity that has mindfulness as its goal.
Okay, but what is mindfulness?
We all have a tendency towards chaos in our lives; our structures wear down over time, organization collapses, and we may find ourselves shuffling through our routines without much intentionality or presence. For me, it feels like a period of sleepwalking, and it leaves me little room or energy to do much else aside from the necessary (and even that sometimes gets neglected). Like I’m a Sim on autopilot with all manner of negative mood effects: hungry, stressed, over- or under-socialized.
Mindfulness is the opposite of this. When I am mindful, I am present and engaged in my life, I have the ability and desire to make decisions, and I feel much more anchored in time. I notice things and I am connected to my senses, and most importantly, I can more easily direct my focus toward things that need to get done (even less stimulating tasks like emails and admin). This happens naturally when circumstances are better, but it is also something I can reach for when I have been training that muscle.
I can practice mindfulness in meditation by:
- directing my attention to how my body feels (my lungs, heart, muscles, skin, etc.)
- expanding my focus to include my environment (nearby objects, pets and people in the room, sensory input from beyond my immediate surroundings)
- kindly reminding myself that it is normal for my mind to wander, acknowledging the errant thought or feeling or worry, and letting it go
There are moments when it may not feel safe to practice mindfulness, or there may be situations or circumstances that make it unavailable to you. In the past, I have sleepwalked through life simply because I had very little energy for myself after each workday, and I needed the salary to pay the bills. Practicing meditation when times are better and you do have more energy can help make it easier or possible when you are more stressed and drained.
A body scan
If you are looking for a place to start, a body scan can be a great way to see how meditation feels for you. It can take as little as a few minutes, and you can set a timer for yourself if you need extra motivation (for ADHD, a visual timer can make it easier to commit to a few minutes of practice at a time). Get comfortable in a seated position, lying down, or walking somewhere calming at a leisurely pace. Take a few deep breaths if you like (my preferred number is three) to let your body know that it is time to practice meditation.
- Starting at the toes, work your way slowly up the body and tune in to how it feels.
- If you need to wiggle or reposition yourself to sense what is happening there, feel free.
- Notice any tension, discomfort, or soreness you may feel. Your goal is to observe it neutrally, though you may also visualize sending your inhalation to the area of tension, and letting that tension flow out through your exhalation.
- As your mind wanders, accept this as natural and neutral.
- Identify and acknowledge each errant thought before letting it go to return your focus to your body. If you like, categorize it as “Thought,” “Emotion,” “Worry,” or come up with categories of your own.
- Continue moving up through the body: legs to waist to back to shoulders, down the arms to the fingertips, up the neck to the skull and finally the top of your head.
Give yourself a few deep breaths after your body scan is complete. Your mind may wander a little or a lot; both are normal. Each time, offer yourself grace as you let the thought go and return your focus to your body scan. It is perfectly okay to notice you have wandered a long way into a thought or feeling; what is more important is the act of bringing your attention back to your body. Once you have mentally emerged from the scan, you can revisit any thoughts that were compelling or surprising, or stretch or palpate areas of tension you discovered. Take a moment to notice how you feel after the scan, compared to before.
I will be leading a body scan as well as a couple of other meditation types virtually on Sunday, October 26th. There is a poll in last week’s post where you can signal what time you would like it to start: 8:00pm, 8:30pm, or 9:00pm. The goal is to spend about half an hour on grounding and centring as we transition from one week into the next, and hopefully keep the Sunday scaries at bay. I will be opening booking soon, with spots available for $10 per person.
I am also happy to lead you in a body scan or discuss meditation at your next massage. I am availble until my next pet sitting dates (Thursday, October 30th to Sunday, November 1st).
